My life among Nerds: how to recognize them

In order to interact effectively with a Nerd, it is absolutely necessary to be able to promptly recognize that they belong to the Nerd species.
Identify them immediately, without hesitation, and behave accordingly, because the Nerd rarely grants second chances.

I have lived among Nerds for years and I feel a moral duty to provide useful identification tools.

1) Reaction to the post “My life among Nerds: useful tips for survival”

Have a suspected Nerd read the post "My life among Nerds: useful tips for survival" and observe the reaction.
To guide you in interpreting the reactions, I will give you some useful additional hints:

• The subject reads the post and does not laugh. This reaction alone is not conclusive, dig deeper:

- they read it giving you the impression that they don't understand what they are reading: they are definitely a non-nerd. I would add that if they read it showing obvious signs of boredom, it is highly likely that the subject belongs to the Nerd's nemesis species: the Poser.
- they read it getting deeply irritated: the subject is clearly a Nerd, touchy Nerd variant. Walk away slowly, without making sudden movements, and run as far away as possible: this is a dangerous subject.

• The subject reads the post laughing moderately: they are a Nerd, for sure, but to fully understand which subspecies they belong to you have to wait until they finish reading.

- If at the end of the post they make one or more clarifications about what they have just read (“Deploying and Committing do not mean the same thing!!!”) they are a deeply-Nerd.
- If they feel no need to nitpick, they are a moderately-Nerd subject and there is good hope for them to have a normal and fulfilling life.
- If they start taking pictures of your shoes it is a clear sign of psychopathy: walk away slowly, without making sudden movements...

• The subject reads the post laughing heartily: they are a non-Nerd who works/lives among Nerds.

2) They correct your sentences

If someone explains to you non-nerds how to do something, anything, and in the meantime you notice that every now and then they use somewhat inaccurate terms or explain themselves not too clearly, you non-nerds let it go. You get the relevant information from the person you are talking to and move on.
Not the Nerd. The Nerd always corrects the person they are talking to. Always.
Whether the topic is computing (God save you from that eventuality!), weather forecasts or cast-iron pots.
It will absolutely not be enough for you to know the subject better than they do: they will correct you.

3) They will ask you to send them an email

There is an infallible way to spot a Nerd: ask them a random question. Out loud, standing in front of the subject.
When you non-nerds ask a Nerd a question, any question, it doesn't matter whether it's about work (God save you from that eventuality!) or whether you're asking them where they plan to have lunch… they will answer “Send me an email”. It doesn't matter that you are right there, within earshot, and that answering you would be very simple. They will ask you to send them an email.
I have concluded that the Nerd only understands written language, so save your breath and carefully avoid telling them “I sent you an email” (see the next point).

4) They reply to your emails months late

If the Nerd reads an email of yours, even if it contains questions, it is by no means a given that they will reply, or they might reply 20 days later, behaving as if a minute had passed since you sent it.
I have concluded that the Nerd understands the written word, but does not like to use it.
In any case, never, never, never tell a Nerd “I sent you an email”, they will blame you for it.
I have no useful suggestions on how to get an answer out of a Nerd, try the candy jar.

5) Reactions to topics unknown to them

The Nerd reacts very badly when they realize they don't know a topic. To easily find out whether a subject is a Nerd or a non-nerd, talk to them about something they surely don't know (e.g. growing sprouts). If they show interest and/or ask questions free of passive-aggressiveness… then they are a non-nerd. If they listen to you in silence, locked in a resentful muteness and, after a few hours, come back to the topic asking you extremely precise questions… they are a Nerd.
In the hours between the first and the second conversation, they will have read everything they could on the subject. Don't fall into their trap or they will force you into a very long and very boring discussion: change the subject (Game of Thrones).