My life among Nerds: Lost in translation
We are at the third chapter of my survival guide among Nerds (if you missed the previous ones: 1 and 2).
I have learned at my own expense that understanding the Nerd is a key point for survival and harmony in the workplace.
I believe I have a good vocabulary, I have always thought so… then I started working among Nerds and my certainties collapsed with a crash.
I have been spending my coffee breaks among Nerds for years now and I feel more than entitled to point out the absurdity that governs their lexicon.
Optimistic error [ˌɒptɪˈmɪstɪk ˈɛrə] n.
It originates from an evidently prankster developer. An error CANNOT be optimistic, it is pessimistic by definition.
When Optimistic Error appears on my screen I feel like smashing the PC.
They have already tried several times to explain its meaning to me, but I keep feeling a deep sense of paradox and annoyance.
I repeat, there is nothing optimistic about an error, get over it.
It's scalable [ɪts ˈskeɪləbl] v. + adj.
Does anyone really know what it means? Especially when this phrase is used as a question: is it scalable?
It can't be done
Transl. "I don't feel like doing it".
Let's be honest, you, dear Nerd colleague, know perfectly well how to do it! I've got you figured out by now! But you don't feel like it in the slightest… and you hide behind an "It can't be done".
I know it, you know it… but let's carry on with this waltz of lies!
Class [klɑːs] n.
This word evokes in me (and in all normal human beings) memories of childhood and adolescence: classmates, chalk on your hands, the fear of being called to the blackboard…
At most it brings to mind the concept of elegance, sophistication…
The Nerd, on the other hand, uses this word with a totally different meaning, which frankly escapes my understanding. So if they ever ask you a question containing this word, smile and slowly back away without making any sudden movements.
Sport [spɔːt] n.
I know this word has one and only one meaning… for you! For the Nerd it has a broader scope and this variant could confuse you: stay sharp, ask questions and you will quickly discover which shade of meaning they are using.
A few useful examples: it can mean playing video games, rolling a die, flying a drone, playing table football...
Series [ˈsɪəriːz] n.
Mind you… I am referring to the noun.
I am not referring to the adjective "serious" (serious rules, serious people…): the noun, singular or plural… the series.
The Nerd lives on TV series… but the devil is in the details: if the Nerd says "The Series", with the article and a capital S… know that they are talking about Game of Thrones, in the original language of course (for more details on Series and/or Game of Thrones, please refer to my first post Useful tips for survival).
Containerization n.
I couldn't even find the phonetic transcription… because this word DOES NOT EXIST.
Don't make the mistake of thinking of freight containers, ships packed with colorful boxes… that is not the meaning.
What does it mean? No idea! They evidently know, but they are careful not to explain it to you…
They tell you to sell it, you nod and smile, you jot the word down on a notepad (because I use pen and paper!!), you promise yourself to ask for details, you look it up on Wikipedia… you realize that Wikipedia evidently thinks like you and explains in detail how goods are stowed in containers… you lock yourself in the broom closet, have a long liberating cry and then forget this word until one of them brings it up again… and it all starts over.
It would be too easy to continue with the ever-popular "Deployare" and "Committare" (the Italianized "to deploy" and "to commit")… or to start the endless and incomprehensible string of acronyms, but I will not fall into this obvious trap.
Instead I invite the reader to report any meaningless words to me, I will try to understand for you… to make sense of what apparently has none…
Hang in there or lock yourself in the broom closet.